How Should A Christian Respond to a Jehovah Witness?

who is Jesus
Who is Jesus- He is both God and man

Many people wonder how should a Christian respond when a Jehovah Witness shows up at their door.

A few years ago, I exchanged emails from a Jehovah Witness regarding the concept of the Trinity. I am sharing this because I am sure we have all have faced it before. We will at some point be confronted with Jehovah Witnesses at our doorstep. And when we do, we need to know what to say. I think because we had exchanged emails, it allowed both of us to think about our words more carefully. For the most part, his responses had been civil, but I became annoyed when I discovered most of his comments were directly copied from their brochure. However, his most impassioned response came when I tried to convince him that Jesus was both God and Man; that He had to be God to be perfect (without sin) and man (so that He might be weak and die in the place of sinners). He seemed very adamant that Jesus should not be worshipped as God.

Here was his rhetorical response:

The only way Jesus could have resisted Satan is if he were God?

And if he were completely man, he would have SIN in him?  Jesus had to be a man without the imperfection that sin imparts in order to satisfy God’s perfect justice; like for like. He couldn’t be the RANSOM if he weren’t a perfect man.  Jesus countered Satan’s temptations with SCRIPTURES. Not by being God. We can do likewise, but in our imperfect, sinful, and human way. That’s why Jesus left us a model to follow.

When has Satan tempted God and expected to win?  It’s absurd to think that Satan could tempt God with a loaf of bread, or that God could put himself to the test, or be offered power that God did not have himself. 

 He went on to say this:

Then would Adam have died if he did not sin?

If not, then death through sin would not have occured, right? Adam would live forever in paradise. But a perfect man can be given free will, and it would be up to him to use it in the way God intended: by obedience. And, to make it completely impossible for Adam to live forever, he let Satan tempt Eve and, subsequently, Adam. Is that right? Then, since Adam could not possibly resist Satan unless Adam were God, Adam was doomed to failure from the very start! Thanks, God! That is so fair!

And so the need for another perfect man to balance the scales, Jesus. He was not God. Neither was Adam.

And what was the irresistable temptation? Satan told the first lie. “You won’t die.”

Adam was free to obey God’s ONLY command. He was free to eat from that tree.

His prospect of living forever would rest on his decision. He was still perfect up until he made the wrong choice. When he chose to eat from the tree, he forfeited his PERFECT life and became imperfect, able to pass on that imperfection to his progeny, including death.

Instead, the ransom was appropriate. But Jesus had to be what Adam was not: obedient. Jesus passed that test just like Adam could have but didn’t. And Jesus paid the ransom with his life – his PERFECT human life.

For what it’s worth, here is what I said in return:

Hi [I’ve deleted the man’s name to protect his privacy],

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ! I hope and pray that you and your family are well.

I have been doing a lot of thinking, praying, and researching. While I do not want to argue or dispute with you what the Watchtower says, I do care about straigtening out some falsehoods and misinterpretations of the Word of God.

At the core of things, there seems to be a great deal of misunderstanding of who Adam was, specifically who he was in comparison to Jesus. I do not mean to poke at you. I have noticed similar misconceptions even among my Christian contemporaries.

Firstly, with regards to Adam, it is important to understand that Adam was just a man. He came from the dust of the earth and God breathed life into him. Other than that, there was nothing special about him.

You mention the following regarding Adam:

Then would Adam have died if he did not sin?

What does Jesus say? “No one is good—except God alone.” Which means Adam wasn’t good.

It also begs the question: what do you believe about Christ? Do you believe Jesus is good?

And think carefully before you answer. Because if you respond with “yes” then based on Jesus’ own words, you must also conclude that Jesus is God, because “no one is good—except God alone”. But if you respond with “no”, then Jesus was NOT good, and therefore would have fallen short of becoming a perfect ransom of our sins.

If not, then death through sin would not have occurred, right? Adam would live forever in paradise.

Adam could have resisted sin only if he first also believed that God had his best interests at heart when He told him not to eat of the tree of knowledge. And if he had believed and had put his trust in God, he would have been gifted as Abraham had been gifted “Abraham believed and it was accredited to him as righteousness”. God would have gifted Adam with the Holy Spirit and the faith to overcome sin if he had believed in God. But if Adam had resisted that one temptation, it would have only have been for that moment in time. The Bible says “resist the devil and he will flee from you” but doesn’t the devil always come back eventually to tempt us again and again? Wasn’t Jesus tempted 40 days and nights? Was not Jesus tempted his whole life on earth? Do you really think the resistance of one temptation would have “earned” Adam the right to eternal life? No, it would not. In fact, was not there another tree in the garden that would have granted Adam eternal life? Wasn’t it called the Tree of Life? Adam chose not to eat of that tree. He chose to eat instead from the tree he was specifically told not to, at the very first onset of temptation.

But a perfect man can be given free will, and it would be up to him to use it in the way God intended: by obedience.

Obedience is the evidence of faith in God. And faith is the evidence of belief and trust in God. As Scripture says: “The righteous shall live by faith”.

And, to make it completely impossible for Adam to live forever, he let Satan tempt Eve and, subsequently, Adam. Is that right? Then, since Adam could not possibly resist Satan unless Adam were God, Adam was doomed to failure from the very start!

As I mentioned before, if Adam had believed that God had his best interests at heart, if he had trusted that God had already given to him everything he could have possibly wanted, and did not have the desire to covet anything more, God would have gifted him with the Holy Spirit and the faith to overcome and resist the devil. The test was a test of FAITH and nothing more than that. God did say “if you eat of the tree you will die” but He did NOT say what would happen if Adam resisted that temptation. We only know what might have happened if Adam had resisted based on what has always happened among the examples in the Bible of those who believed in God and lived by faith. And we know faith is a life-long journey, not a one-time resistance to the devil’s lies.

Thanks, God! That is so fair!

It is a sobering lesson that God is God and we are not. We cannot hope to resist sin on our own power. We must humble ourselves and accept that God alone is good.

And what was the irresistable temptation? Satan told the first lie. “You won’t die.”Adam was free to obey God’s ONLY command. He was free to eat from that tree. His prospect of living forever would rest on his decision. He was still perfect up until he made the wrong choice. When he chose to eat from the tree, he forfeited his PERFECT life and became imperfect, able to pass on that imperfection to his progeny, including death.

His prospect of living forever would have rested on eating from the Tree of Life, not on the Tree of Knowledge. And no, he was far from perfect before he disobeyed. The disobedience was the evidence of Adam’s unrighteous heart. Think about it. The Bible says “Abraham believed and it was accredited to him as righteousness”. If Adam believed God, if he had believed and simply trusted that God had his best interests at heart when he said “do not eat of that tree”, he would not have eaten of the tree. He wouldn’t even had considered it. But Adam acted like a spoilt child. He had everything he could ever want. And he wasn’t happy. He wanted more. With the tiniest nudge from a serpent he chose to eat of the tree he was specifically told not to. And just as a spoilt child typically would react, Adam didn’t even repent of his sin. Instead he blamed his wife. Where was the rightousness of Adam?  God gave him one simple rule and he wasn’t able to follow even that one. If anything, Adam’s failure proved just how imperfect a man he was.

And so the need for another perfect man to balance the scales, Jesus. He was not God. Neither was Adam.

Instead, the ransom was appropriate. But Jesus had to be what Adam was not: obedient. Jesus passed that test just like Adam could have but didn’t. And Jesus paid the ransom with his life – his PERFECT human life.

Who was Jesus mother? Who was His father? Was not His mother Mary? And was not His father the Lord God Almighty? Certainly, Jesus was no ordinary man! His conception was a miracle of God! When Jesus called God “Father” He did so in the literal sense. He had no earthly father or conception. He did not just resist sin – He performed miracles and wonders no man could have ever dreamed of! He walked on water, commanded the wind and the waves, casted out demons, brought sight to blind, healed the lame and the sick, and raised the dead to life. He was also transfigured before Peter, James and John in all His glory. He claimed to be the “bread of life” who spoke “words of eternal life”. Was Adam all of these? There is no comparison. Jesus embodied all the goodness and power and glory of God – Adam did not. And as far as ransom was concerned, this was far more than a life for a life. Jesus had to be the ransom to pay the burden of every sin, weakness, humiliation, shame, and the deserved wrath of God, FOR THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE EXISTING FROM ADAM TO THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT. All men, regardless of their righteous deeds, are but dust and ashes compared to the Son of God. Possessing God’s perfect goodness of character, Jesus alone could perfectly and consistently resist the devil. Yes, Jesus used Scripture. But Scripture is useless without the power of the Spirit of God behind it. (The Pharisees also had Scripture and it was useless to them.) As to the question why Satan bothered with tempting Jesus at all if the devil knew Jesus was God…. why does the devil do anything? Pride deludes him into thinking he can defeat God. That was always the devil’s problem from the very beginning.

You said: “Jesus would never allow humans to worship him in place of God” and I firmly believe that is a true statement IF Jesus was an ordinary human being like you and I. If any ordinary human being like you or I made statements implying he was God, and people swarmed to bow down and worship that person, we would rightfully call that blasphemous. But Jesus was no ordinary human being.

In the book of John, Jesus makes several “I AM” statements:

  • I am the bread of life. 6:35, 48, 51.
  • I am the light of the world. 8:12; 9:5.
  • I am the door of the sheep. 10:7, 9.
  • I am the good shepherd. 10:11, 14.
  • I am the resurrection and the life. 11:25.
  • I am the way, the truth, and the life. 14:6.
  • I am the true vine

Many of these have cross-references to the Old Testament referring to God. A Christian theologian told a story once of a time in which he began to study the Old Testament with a group of modern-day Jewish scholars. A few of the Jews became curious of the New Testament and asked him if he could lead a study on one of the gospels. One day, one of the Jews came to one of their studies. He had never read any of the New Testament Scriptures before in his life. The Christian theologian asked him to read aloud from John chapter 10. As the man read the words of Jesus, he began to look appalled. His reaction was immediate when he got to Jesus words: I am the good shepherd. “He is declaring himself to be God!” he shouted. The man was so enraged, he spat on the Bible, threw it down, and stomped on it. Now, if this is the conclusion and reaction of a modern-day Jew, don’t you think the Jews of Jesus’ time would have reacted the same? The Jews would have interpreted Jesus’ statements the same way: they would have concluded that Jesus was referring to himself as God. And this conclusion would have inspired one of two responses: either one of reverence or one of contempt. There would have been no middle ground. The ones who hated him had him killed. As to the others, I challenge you to find a single incident in Scripture of Jesus dissuading anyone from worshipping him. Even the angel that gave John visions of the book of Revelations corrected John when he fell down in worship of him. Even Paul and Barnabas were mistaken as gods in the book of Acts after Paul healed a man yet surely their actions paled in comparison to all the signs and wonders Jesus performed while He was on earth. In light of all these things, is it really that incomprehensible that many of Jesus followers revered him as God? And if that is so, why doesn’t Scripture give any warnings against it?

P.S. He has not emailed me since.

And to this day, I have not heard a response from him.

Sermon on the Mount

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:17-20

It is my opinion that the Sermon on the Mount is probably one of the most misunderstood out of the entire New Testament. No other passages in Scripture have been most misrepresented by preachers and theologians from every Christian denomination across the globe.

Context is always key.

When reading Scripture, it is always important to understand that the authors wrote down only what they believed to be of the greatest value and significance to the reader. I’m sure they wanted to write down more, but they knew it’d be impossible to write down every major event or happening surrounding Jesus’ life and ministry. So they stuck to the basics. Thus, it’s impossible to brush aside any small verse or phrase. You can’t brush it aside when there was deliberate intentionality in everything they wrote down.

There was no eloquent speech. No beating around the bush. Thus, you have to soak it all in very slowly and carefully, keeping in mind there were significant reasons why each detail was included. It becomes vital to address such questions as: Why did the author choose to include this information? Why is it important?

Therefore, before diving into the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew Chapter 5, it’s important that you have read and studied Matthew Chapters 1-4. You will not have a complete picture of Chapter 5 unless you have this background.

In Chapter 3, Matthew introduces the reader to John the Baptist. And what do we know about Jesus’ disciples? At least some of them had been followers of John before they became followers of Jesus. And so, it is very likely, many who were witnesses of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount also were aware of John’s ministry.

John preached the importance of repentance, of turning away from wicked and sinful practices, and turning instead towards practices more pleasing to God. John’s followers consisted of those who felt the inner turmoil of guilt and shame because of what they had done. They knew in their hearts that they had done wrong, but they also possessed a sincere desire to change. John preached a message of hope to these people. If they confessed their sins to God, and to those they had wronged, and committed to a lifestyle of change, God would declare them righteous.

The reader is also introduced to the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law. John the Baptist shockingly calls these religious leaders ‘a brood of vipers’. They are later exposed as hypocrites by Jesus, who calls them ‘whitewashed tombs’ because they valued appearances over inner motives.

This is the backdrop before the book of Matthew introduces us to the Sermon on the Mount.

As I noted before, everything written down in Scripture was done so with great care and intentionality. The reader is therefore meant to keep everything that had already been said in the previous chapters in mind as he considers what is about to happen next.

So let’s now look at these verses, one phrase at a time

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets

Why did Jesus say this? Why is it significant?

Jesus was a mind reader. He could literally read minds. There are several instances written in Scripture in which He would expose what everyone was already thinking, even those things people were too ashamed or embarrassed to say out loud. Thus, we can conclude that there were people in the crowd who were listening to Him at that very moment on the Mount of Olives who believed that Jesus did indeed intend to ‘abolish the Law’.

Now we must ask, why would anyone think that of Jesus? Who would accuse Hhim of such a thing? We know Jesus was accused of violating the Sabbath by the Pharisees. Plus, he hung out with ‘sinners’. He showed mercy to those the Pharisees would have stoned. To these sticklers of the Law, it appeared Jesus was giving these people a free pass. He was telling prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers, and thieves that their sins were forgiven. In the eyes of the Pharisees, Jesus was acting as if the Law had no significance. It appeared to them that Jesus was teaching something outright scandalous: that obedience to the Law was irrelevant to God and righteousness.

Here, Jesus is refuting their assumptions and accusations.

I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 

To Jesus’ doubters, the above statement would have been surprising. Jesus seemed to act like a rebel, doing what was ‘unclean’, touching ‘unclean’ lepers, and violating the Sabbath rules.

But to Jesus’ followers, this would have held special significance. Jesus was declaring that He meant to fulfill the Law. And if He succeeded in fulfilling the Law, then surely He was a righteous man, a man deserving of each one of God’s blessings associated with complete obedience to the Mosaic Covenant. Just a reminder, the Mosaic Covenant consisted of a series of blessings and curses based on whether or not you followed each command.

For truly I tell you,

Jesus often used the phrase, “truly, I tell you”. One way to paraphrase this statement in modern English is this: “Now, pay attention. I’m about to say something very important.”

until heaven and earth disappear,

Let’s be honest. We can’t imagine a day when heaven and earth will disappear. But we know from the Old Testament that heaven and earth will, indeed, pass away.

Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail. – Isaiah 51:6

Around the time when the destruction of the heavens and the earth occurs, the souls of men will be resurrected and judged, either to eternal life, or to eternal destruction.

not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law

In other words, not a single word from the Law will be declared insignificant or irrelevant until after every human being has been resurrected and judged, either for redemption, or eternal damnation.

until everything is accomplished.

Accomplished. This is a loaded word. There is a ‘near fulfillment’ and a ‘far fulfillment’. Right before Jesus gave up his spirit on the cross, He declared, “It is finished.” Or, “It is accomplished.” The ‘near fulfillment’ is Jesus’ perfect life in fulfillment of the Law. By this, Jesus accomplished His mission, His mission on earth to fulfill the Law. And by doing so, He earned all the merits associated with fulfilling the Law, and when He laid down His life and took it up again, He made Atonement for the sins of many.

The ’far fulfillment’ refers to the last part of Isaiah 51:6 – But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail. After the Day of Judgment, there will be an eternal day of salvation for those who take refuge in Christ.

Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven

When we stand before the Lord on the day of judgment, God will judge us based on every standard God has ever communicated to us through Scripture, from the greatest tenet to the least. Therefore, it is vitally important that we are taught the Law in its entirety so that we are aware of the standard by which we will be judged.

It is important to note that Jesus is not talking about fulfillment here, as He did in His earlier statements. Here, He is talking about those who teach the Law. He is talking about those who teach others right from wrong. He is talking about God’s commands spoken in the Law and Prophets, which is godly wisdom.

The Law was given to teach us good from evil. It was to teach us what is good and right in God’s eyes, and what is not. Without the Law, we would be lost. We wouldn’t know up from down, or good from evil. Since God alone is good, he alone is qualified in defining for us what is good and what is evil. He alone is qualified to set the standard. What Jesus is saying is, every single command from God should be treated with respect and reverence, because each one was given for a reason, to instruct us in wisdom, guidance, and understanding.

but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 

Here, Christ is talking about both the practice and the teaching of the Law. But there is only one person who has ever been able to both practice and teach the Law with perfection, and that is Jesus, the Son of God. Therefore, Jesus is referring to Himself.

He is indeed great in the kingdom of heaven.

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

To understand what Jesus implies by this statement, we must refer to the last statement, which mentions both ‘practice’ and ‘teaching’. Great is the Son of God, because He both taught, and put into practice, every letter of the Law. But woe to the teachers who did not practice what they preached! For they will not enter the kingdom of heaven at all!

It is at this point in His Sermon that Jesus attempts to separate His teachings from the teachings of the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law.

Jesus starts off each point with this phrase:

You have heard it said…

He is referring to the religious leaders, those who taught the Law.

To understand what Jesus says next, we must back up to what Jesus said earlier, when he talked about neglecting the ‘least’ of God’s commands.

From this point on in Matthew 5, Jesus is pointing out what these teachers had been neglecting to teach the people regarding the Law. He is not, as I have heard so many preachers claim, setting a ‘higher standard’ than what had already been written about in the Law and Prophets. That is ridiculous. Every point Jesus makes in the Sermon on the Mount can be traced to the Old Testament.

For one thing, all throughout the Old Testament, God judged people based on their innermost thoughts and motives.

Consider the following verses:

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. – Proverbs 16:2

Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind – Psalms 26:2

I, the Lord, search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve – Jeremiah 17:10

Do these verses not imply that God sees and judges our thoughts, as well as our actions?

Jesus, therefore, does NOT set a ‘higher standard’. He simply restates what is already implied by the Old Testament verses above, when He mentions God’s standards regarding murder and adultery.

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 

We must pause here. Notice He says “I tell you”. This is significant. 

The Old Testament prophets never spoke like this. All throughout the Old Testament, the prophets consistently distinguished God’s words and commands from their own by announcing, “Now listen to what the Lord says to Israel” or some similar comment. But here, Jesus is clearly taking ownership over these commands. He does not say “but the Lord says” or “but My Father says”. He says “but I tell you”. And this would have infuriated the Pharisees and teachers of the Law. He was clearly substituting “but the Lord says” with the statement “but I tell you” to draw attention to Himself as having equal authority with God. He was restating His Father’s commands as if they were His very own.

So, we see that He is restating what is already implied by what is written in the Law and Prophets. And He is stating them as if they were His very own. And we see that He intends not only to teach what the Pharisees and teachers of the Law had been neglecting to teach, but He intends also to practice and FULFILL all of God’s commands.

Now, let’s look at some other verses embedded in the Sermon on the Mount.

… if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

There is Old Testament basis for this as well. In Isaiah, God condemns empty worship. That is, he condemned Israel for celebrating their festivals and Sabbaths while acting shamefully the rest of the week: Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high – Isaiah 58:4

Obviously, God cares more about people getting along and making peace with one another than he does about following rules of fasting, worship, and prayer.

Divorce.

Ok, this is a hard one for many people. But it’s important not to avoid it just because it’s difficult to swallow. Let’s examine the verse together:

It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

When two people marry, they promise before the Lord to be faithful to one another as long as they both shall live: faithful and unwavering in fidelity, romantic love, desire, tenderness, and affection.  This promise becomes a covenant promise before the Lord God Almighty, and it should not be taken lightly. Thus, any divorce based on any other reason other than adultery is inexcusable in God’s perspective. God never intended to permit divorce based on frivolous reasons.

In ancient Jewish culture, a man was permitted to divorce his wife, but a wife was not permitted to divorce her husband. Thus, when a married couple divorced, it was always initiated by the man, not the woman. Even worse, because women were not allowed to work and be self-sufficient, a woman who was given a certificate of divorce would have felt compelled to remarry as quickly as possible, for the sake of her own dignity, as well as for her very survival. But if she had been a virtuous woman, always faithful and true to her husband, but her husband rejected her anyway, she not only must live with the scars of a broken heart, but she is placed in a position she never intended to happen – choosing a new man to marry other than her first love. She becomes an adulteress against her will and the new man she marries commits adultery with her.

The bottom line is this: there are only two ways in which the marriage covenant can be broken, either by sexual infidelity or death. The death of a spouse releases a person of their marital vows to marry someone else. Also, adultery. But in God’s eyes, if you make a lifelong commitment, you better be prepared to live up to that promise. Do not take it lightly.

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

These verses at first appear shocking. But then, if you think about it, it really shouldn’t be. I mean, who wants to suffer in eternal hell fire? What could possibly be worse than that? Who wouldn’t be willing to go through extremes if it meant preventing a fate of eternal suffering?

To paraphrase Jesus’ words, He is saying you should be willing to suffer and sacrifice anything in this life if it means preventing you from being thrown into hell. What you suffer in this life is temporary. But if you are doomed to suffer after Judgment, it will be eternal.

A pastor once told a story of a man he met who had been persecuted for his faith. The man was threatened. He was told to renounce his faith, and if he didn’t, the guards would chop off his fingers, one by one. After a finger was chopped off, he was asked to renounce his faith, but he would not. So, they moved on to the next finger, and then the next. The man ended up having no fingers left. But his interrogator had marveled in awe and wonder at the man’s resolve… and humbled himself and became converted to Christianity. That is just one example in which losing a finger or a toe for the faith in Jesus Christ can increase and magnify the kingdom of God. Not only did the man spare his own soul from the clutches of hell fire by refusing to renounce his faith, even at the cost of losing all his fingers, he gained a convert by the strength of his steadfast testimony.

Oaths

Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all… All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Preachers and theologians will talk on and on about God’s covenants and promises. But the truth is, God’s character is such that He does not need to swear an oath at all. Everything he says is the truth. His character prevents him from ever telling a lie. Therefore, if He says He’s going to do something, there’s a 100% guarantee that it will happen. Without swearing an oath or vow, you know God will accomplish whatever He says He will accomplish.

In the Old Testament, God would occasionally swear an oath or make a vow. He would swear an oath upon His own Name’s sake. That is, He would base his vow upon preserving His own perfect character.

When you read these promises, they sound almost comical. An all-powerful being whose nature is to never lie does not need to swear an oath. These oaths seem to be made for the benefit of the people who doubted God’s ability and character. For these folks, God says, “I’m staking my reputation on this: I will do everything I told you I’d accomplish.”

I’m sure you’ve encountered people who are in the habit of saying one thing and doing another. It’s frustrating. You can’t trust them.

I once hired a cleaning lady. She was a friend of a church member, so initially I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She’d promise to clean my house on a certain date, but would arrive late, and leave early, before the house was cleaned. Then, promise to come back to finish the job… and never show up. Then, she wanted to be paid in advance… but after being paid, I wouldn’t hear from her regarding her availability. Then, after finally scheduling a date and time… she wouldn’t show up at all. Then, she’d give a sob story about her car breaking down… but didn’t notify me about it until the end of the day. Then, she’d tell me she’s broke and needs cash right away to pay her bills and promises to pay me back by Wednesday. Wednesday comes and goes and all I hear are crickets. After all of this, whenever we did schedule a time, it became sadly predictable that she wouldn’t show up at all due to one reason or another. She’d tell me one sob story after another, of how she needs money right away for this immediate need or that and make a thousand promises of how she’d do anything in return, including clean my house from top to bottom.

All the while I kept wondering when she’d just be honest with me. If she was really in serious financial trouble, I was more than willing to help her. But instead of telling me the truth, and saying something like “I really need the money, and I want to pay you back, but I don’t know if I can” or “I want to do something in return but things are so crazy in my life right now I don’t know when I’ll be able to schedule a time” she’d tell one lie and make one false promise after another. The lies kept building, one after the other. Frankly, the lies and dishonesty hurt far worse than her inability to pay me back.

Lies and dishonesty will ruin a person’s reputation. And they are not from God. And the more a person is desperately compelled to persuade another person of their good intentions, the more motivated they become of making promises they’re not sure they’ll be able to keep. And the more likely they are to forget that God is listening.

Whether we know it or not, all our vows are “before God” in that God is fully aware of every promise we’ve ever made. He knows because God knows all things. And every ‘yes’ or ‘no’ that we declare before men, regarding what we will do or not do, God knows about these things as well.

So, what is Jesus’ point?

Essentially, Jesus’ point is this: God wants our honesty, faithfulness, and consistency, in everything we say and do. If our deeds don’t match what we say, we are not conforming to any of these attributes. We are not conforming to the attributes of God.

You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.

Why should we not resist an evil person?

In order to understand the answer to this question we need to look back to the point of the last section regarding oaths.

When we practice what we preach, when we allow our actions match our words, our reputation and character remain pure and intact. But what happens when we resist an evil person? Our own reputation becomes soured by our response.

I once had a friend in Middle School who lost her temper with me. She was one of those who walked around with a big chip on her shoulder. You could see it in her eyes and her whole demeanor, but honestly, I had no idea what was upsetting her so much. Then, one day, she just blew up like a volcano. She blasted me, saying all kinds of ugly things. And I reacted like most Middle Schoolers would. I acted on instinct. Without thinking, I blasted her in return. I returned all the ugliness right back at her. We parted ways and I wandered around the schoolyard still furious over what happened. Another friend of mine approached me later. In fact, this friend who approached me had been my best friend in all the world. Well, she heard from my other friend of what happened… but from a different point of view. She told my best friend of all the ugliness I said to her, leaving out all the rest. My best friend was floored, and my reputation had been undermined. In the eyes of my best friend, I had done a terrible thing. When I told her I had been provoked, she at least understood the whole story, but it didn’t exactly raise my reputation any. In fact, I had lowered myself to the level of the one who had provoked me. Ironically, in my efforts to resist ugliness, I had become ugly in return, and my reputation had been tarnished as a result. I had acted no differently than the world does. I had not separated myself from reacting in the same ugly manner the world does.

Fighting evil with evil simply doesn’t work. All it does is make you more and more like the evil you deplore. Your reputation becomes just as tarnished and ugly as the evil people you resist.

But what if you chose to respond differently?

In order to conform your character to the character of God, you must possess the qualities of honesty, faithfulness, consistency, kindness, and grace. But your character and integrity will be quickly tarnished if you cannot be consistently gracious or kind in the midst of trial, or when provoked by an enemy.

However, if you choose to respond with silence, submission, or even with acts of kindness, your reputation will remain pure and intact. Even your enemies won’t be able to find any fault in you. Your reputation and integrity will remain without blemish.

This is what it means to live a blameless life.

The Old Testament mentions two faithful servants who were characterized as ‘blameless’.

Genesis 6:9 – This is the account of Noah and his family. Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with God.

Job 1:1 – In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.

The word blameless means to live with such high values of integrity, choosing to shy away from committing any act of evil, even in the midst of great trial, that even your enemies will speak highly of you. Don’t just submit to your enemies’ demands but go over and beyond what they ask of you. As long as their demands don’t violate God’s decrees, go the extra mile. In this way, you will win favor even among your enemies. And even if they do still choose to wag the finger, making baseless accusations, God who sees and judges all things will vindicate you and hold them into account.

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

Where do we see this in the Old Testament?

This is a great question! And yes, it is there, in the Old Testament.

Blameless Job prays for those who tried to corrupt his mind against God in his greatest moment of despair and weakness.

After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. – Job 42:10

 Righteous Abraham prayed for Abimelek after Abimelek had taken Sarah as his wife.

Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelek, his wife and his female slaves so they could have children again – Gen 20:17

David, who had been running away from King Saul who was trying to chase David down and kill him, refused to take his revenge on Saul even when David had a clear opportunity to do so.

He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.” – 1 Samuel 24:10

In all these cases, faithful men showed mercy upon those who had wronged them.

Now, imagine you were part of the crowd listening to Jesus preach the Sermon on the Mount. Imagine hearing these words. Keep in mind, the religious leaders had not been instructing the Jews on these matters even though, as I have been trying to point out, they are actually self-explanatory lessons from a proper reading of the Old Testament. 

Imagine what you might have felt in that moment.

I know what I would have felt. I would have felt deeply convicted. If I hadn’t had realized it before, I would have concluded just how far short from God’s standard I had actually been living my life. If I hadn’t had considered John the Baptist’s teachings on repentance before, I would have been pondering John’s ministry in that moment. I would have wondered, perhaps I, too, need to repent of my sins. I need to run into my closet and cry out to God, “Lord, have mercy upon me, a sinner!”

Now, consider Jesus’ next bombshell…

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

For those in the crowd who knew and who had read carefully the Old Testament, one would have discovered how imperfect even the most faithful servants of God actually were. In fact, Ecclesiastes 7:20 says this:

Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins.

And this is repeated by Saint Paul in Romans 3:23…

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…

So how is Jesus’ command for us to be perfect relevant for us, sinners?

Jesus’ command seems to imply that it is possible to be as perfect and as holy as the Father himself. And yet Jesus says this in Mark 10:18…

“No one is good—except God alone.”

Let me stress that again… No one is good except God alone.

So, Jesus knows none of us are perfect. So, why is He commanding us to be perfect? He seems to be asking the impossible from us! That seems… unfair, doesn’t it? I mean, if we’re doomed to failure, why even try? To say the Pharisees demands were stricter than Jesus’ commands is ridiculous. The Pharisees’ demands were at least achievable. Jesus was asking for the impossible.

I repeat that again:

JESUS WAS ASKING THE IMPOSSIBLE.

Did anyone catch that when reading Matthew 5?

This is the punchline. This is the point Jesus is trying to make. In order to preach the lie that it is humanly possible to earn righteousness based on following the Law, the Pharisees had to deliberately neglect any Scriptural references that pointed to the Father’s ability to judge people’s hearts, to examine their innermost thoughts and motives, and determine if their character reflects that of the Father.

Jesus is saying,

Forget about what the Pharisees have been teaching you. They have not told you everything. If you followed every letter of the Law, and the standards set by the Prophets, you would have to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. And if you are truly honest with yourselves, your hearts should feel a great burden of conviction, since none of you are perfect. All of you are far from the perfect glory of God. I am not here to abolish the Law and Prophets, but I have come to clarify them for you. Even more, I plan to fulfill them all, from the least tenet to the greatest, since I know it is impossible for mere humans to do so.

The New Age of Young Pastors and Trends

For a year, we belonged to an aging churchu. To put it into perspective, we are 50, and we were called young!

My husband worked as a pastoral assistant under the senior pastor who was hired five years ago in an attempt to attract a younger crowd. This church once had 800 members, but that was many decades ago. That number had dwindled over the years to less than 100.

The senior pastor is everything one would expect from a hip, younger crowd. He’s got the long hair, long beard, and tatoos. He’s got the wife and two kids. He’s smart, too. He’s getting his PhD from a prestigious seminary. He convinced the church to disassociate itself from both Baptist conferences, and take the word “Baptist” out of its name, because, well, the word “Baptist” just isn’t hip or cool anymore. He rebranded the church with a hip new name, designed a new flashy website where he could post all his latest sermons, set up a church directory that people can use a phone app to use, hired a children’s minister and planned weekly “youth nights”, and bragged constantly about the church’s ideal location near the town square.

But none of these things impressed enough to bring in the masses. In fact, numbers dropped, rather than grew.

Meanwhile, aging buildings were in disrepair. The old and the elderly, which comprised of most of the congregation, were not being cared for. The woman who had led choir for decades had stepped down and there was no one to replace her. She had also taught the only Women’s Bible Study. The gracious musician who had always led worship had never been paid a salary. The children’s ministry served only a half dozen kids, and that includes the senior pastor’s two sons. Youth nights had zero attendance, although many people prayed youth would come. Meanwhile, Fourth of July celebrations and various other big city events brought thousands of local families within a stone’s throw away of the church’s doorstep, and the senior pastor never once proposed a single evangelistic venture to reach out to them.

In an ideal church, a person’s personal relationship with God should matter first, the care and fellowship of current church members second, evangelism third, and then worry about everything else. But everything falls apart if priorities are backwards.

My husband was released from the church because his skills did not align with the church’s needs. At least, that’s what he was told. In a sense, they were right. There was definitely a misalignment. But the misalignment was on their part, not on my husband. My husband did not care about the dwindling funds that failed to cover the ballooning costs of facility needs and repairs. He did not have the skills, nor the motivation, to do much about the upkeep of the aging buildings. He cared about the people and whether or not they were grounded in Christ. He strove to act on the needs of God’s people, leading Bible Studies and visiting the sick and homebound. These were his priorities.

You see, the church is not a building. It’s not whether or not it has a young, hip pastor or even the size or state of its buildings. It’s not a location. Nor is it defined by its membership’s ethnicity or age group. It doesn’t matter if the church is full of old people or little ones. None of these things define a church body. What defines a church body is the quality of the people who meet together. Are they all gathered together for the same purpose in mind, to worship the same God, with lovingkindness, in Spirit and in truth?

This church reminded me of empty nesters living in a large, oversized, and very old home. Empty nesters who no longer need all that space, and no longer have the time, energy, or funds to keep up with all the home repairs. Empty nesters who are in denial of what they desperately need: they need to downsize!

The sensible thing to do is to give to God what is God’s. The kingdom of God’s people is not defined by a building. It is not defined by a location. It is not defined by a denomination. It is not defined by a hip rebranding or a membership list. God’s people includes all believers everywhere. It includes every body of believers, worshipping together in gatherings, all throughout the city, and the world. The “church” with its newly branded hip name does not own the buildings or property. God does! So, sell the property to another group of God’s people. Sell it to some growing congregation that needs it. Sell it to a growing congregation that may already have the funds to fix all the repairs. and in the meantime, move the current flock to a much smaller, more practical, and more financially sustainable, space. That way, everyone is happy! The larger church gets what it needs, and the smaller one gets a smaller “home” in which to worship.

So what if the “home” is smaller? So what if the location is different? A manageable house of worship means less stress for the pastor, and everyone else! And more time, and money, can be spent on the things that matter.

We’ve heard recently that the senior pastor’s latest move was to hire an executive pastor to manage church assets. Sadly, I am doubtful this latest decision will be any more successful than anything else he has done. The main thing is still not being treated as the main thing!

It is easy to get enraptured by a building. Even Jesus’ disciples got distracted by the beauty of a structure meant as to be a sanctuary of God.

Some of his disciples were remarking about how the temple was adorned with beautiful stones and with gifts dedicated to God. But Jesus said, “As for what you see here, the time will come when not one stone will be left on another; every one of them will be thrown down.” -LUKE 21:5-6

A structure built by man can be easily destroyed, and it is no substitute for the unperishable gift of eternal life given to us by the Holy Spirit, through the Gospel of Christ!

As the saying goes, keep the main thing, the main thing, and you can let go of everything else!

What I’ve Learned From My Anxiety – One Christian’s Point of View

I have suffered bouts of anxiety / depression off and on all my life. In 2019, I suffered the worst episode in my life. My emotions jumped from fear, anger, shame, helplessness, sorrow, worthlessness, despair, and back again. It was a constant spinning spiral, like being in a hurricane. I felt helpless as all these crazy emotions seemed to rage within me. It was distracting. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t get anything done. I had a hard time staying in the moment. I felt like my mind was being plunged into another place and time. A time that was frightening. Terrifying. But someplace oddly familiar, like I’ve felt this way before. I’ve been in this pit before, but I couldn’t remember exactly when or how.

Pulling myself out of the pit was impossible. The anxiety ran so high, the fight or flight switch got turned on. I’d try to watch something funny on television, but it was like trying to concentrate on a comedy show while your being crushed with dread. Like trying to laugh while bombs are dropping and exploding all around you, and any moment you could get hit and blown to pieces.

That’s how I felt, anyway, for what it’s worth, even while my analytical brain kept trying to convince me that I was perfectly safe, that there was no real danger. Clearly, there was a disconnect between what I was thinking analytically and what I was feeling inside.

Part of the problem was that my analytical brain was getting impatient with my emotional side. My emotions felt out of control, and my analytical brain kept trying to stuff them all down. It kept fighting for control and nothing was working.

During this time, I read countless books on anxiety. I prayed constantly. I devoured Scripture. But in the end, I realized the more I tried to control my emotions, even as a spoke Scripture aloud, the worse things got. I suffered frequent panic attacks, day and night. I was lucky if I got more than an hour or two of sleep. My body was in high alert, 24/7. Every muscle in my body felt tense. I was running off of sheer adrenaline. My blood pressure began to soar.

One of the books I read during this season of my life was The Adversary by Mark Bubeck. The book spoke to me. After soaking in the book, I devoured more books on spiritual warfare. They all seemed to make sense. I read books on spiritual warfare praying. I bought the workbook on Preparing For Battle. I asked a friend about it. She referred me to a place I could call for a spiritual consultation. I was desperate. I knew I needed help. I called for an appointment and got scheduled with a prestigious expert on the subject, who, after I spent $75 for a 50 minute session of explaining my life story and the crushing state I was in, gave me an email with a bunch of advice and practical prayers to use. My husband and I took the man’s advice, but my condition worsened, and after my husband sent frantic emails to the consultant for help, the person finally did call back, not out of compassion or sympathy, but out of sheer annoyance. His contempt was evident in his tone of voice; he asked me no questions and gave me no chance to speak. He monopolized the entire conversation. I had to interrupt him to say anything at all, and the more I tried to say something, the more irritated he became and spoke over anything I had to say. It was evident he wanted to do all the talking, so I let him have his say. He told me my parents were “diabolical”, that I should never had volunteered for prison ministry, and ventured on a long tirade boasting of his own achievements. At the end of the phone call, he gave me a bunch of Bible verses to keep in mind, and that was it. The only positive thing he said was that my husband must really love me to be so persistent. I hung up the phone, my hands shaking. Here’s the irony: his tone of voice reminded me precisely of the “diabolical” tone my parents would use on me; that prideful contemptuous tone that doesn’t give a whit of the emotional wreckage you are in but tries to pretend to for pride’s sake. It is for this reason, and others, that I gave up on “spiritual warfare” ministries to save me. I came to the realization that I was “praying” for all the wrong reasons. You have to realize something: I was in fight or flight mode. It was like a switch had been turned on and I didn’t know how to turn it off. I was in hyped up adrenaline-rushed hypervigilant mode. Survival mode. I felt like I was fighting for my life. But I was fighting for… control. I wanted control over my emotions, control over my anxiety. I just wanted it all to stop. And when I prayed the prayers of “spiritual warfare”, it was like a placebo. It gave me the illusion of being in control even when I wasn’t. instead of giving the battle to God, I felt I had to be even more ready, more in control, more vigilant and prepared for the spiritual battle before me. And it was exhausting! But, when I look back on it, it was as if I didn’t really trust God to fight the battle for me.

One morning before church service, I opened a Bible randomly and read the verses that were there. And the verses jumped off the page. It was only then that I realized the dire error of my ways. I had always been uncomfortable with the prayers of “binding” spirits, but I had been so desperate at the time, I didn’t know what else to do. And the verses of 2 Peter 2:10-12 convicted my heart. Hadn’t I been foolish? Hadn’t I been acting like an animal, submitting to the fleshly instinct of fear and self-preservation rather than to the authority of God? Jesus may have “cast out” demons, but he never asked his Father to abuse them, or bind them up for judgment. Judgment will happen, but not till the end times. If God’s mighty angels have not the authority to rebuke demons, then who are we to think we have that authority? We view our physical circumstances, and they are unpleasant to us. Thus, we conclude, this must not be God’s will. We make assumptions about the spiritual realm, a realm unseen to us, a realm often misunderstood, based on our physical circumstances. Was not the book of Job a warning to us not to make too many presumptions about God’s intentions when circumstances don’t go our way?

As the words of Scripture hit home in my heart, I put the Bible down and spent the rest of that Sunday morning on my hands and knees in deep contrition, begging God for forgiveness, within the church’s private chapel.

SEEK MEDICAL ADVICE

I advise anyone to first check for medical reasons for why your anxiety may be worse than usual. Sometimes it can be as simple as a side effect of a new drug you’re taking, or low vitamin D levels. Check your medications for side effects. Then, go to your doctor and ask for a complete physical and lab work up.

In my case, things got worse before they got better. My nurse practitioner, who thought I had lost my mind, prescribed an antidepressant that only made my panic attacks worse (I didn’t think that was even possible). After that, there were other setbacks when it came to medications. I was once given an antipsychotic medicine. I refused to take it. I was suffering anxiety, not delusions. I wasn’t hallucinating. I was just… scared. Scared out of my mind, yes. But it was a nameless fear.

I begged my nurse practitioner to check me for signs of pre-menopause. I told her my family history, that both my mother and grandmother suffered greatly from severe episodes of anxiety, depression, and emotional instability in their forties due to perimenopause. My mother’s symptoms were relieved somewhat by hormone replacement therapy, but such treatments didn’t exist during my grandmother’s lifetime. She became suicidal and was placed in a psychiatric treatment center for five years. My mother said though, at the time of my grandmother’s release, it was as if nothing had happened. My grandmother appeared perfectly sane. Could it be that I was suffering from the same fate? My nurse practitioner already thought I was off my nut. She flatly told me that she doesn’t prescribe hormones as a treatment for anxiety. After I kept pressing the subject, she finally prescribed something, but it wasn’t what I had asked for. I had done the research: medical trials showed that the use of synthetic hormones do not alleviate symptoms of sleeplessness and anxiety. Only the real stuff will provide any benefit.

I learned that being your own advocate can be an especially daunting task when your anxiety is already spinning out of control. No one takes you seriously. Everyone thinks you’re over-reacting or a hypochondriac when all you’re trying to do is to seek help. And answers.

But I kept persisting. I found out you can order your own lab work. So, I did that. And the results showed my progesterone had plummeted to zero. No wonder I wasn’t sleeping! I then made an appointment with a gynecologist. I sent a lengthy message to the doctor explaining my situation, begging for a compassionate doctor to put me on hormone replacement therapy.

SEEK COUNSELING

In the meantime, I also sought counseling. The first time I saw a therapist for my anxiety, he told me he felt what I needed was grace. “If grace could be put in a pill form, I’d prescribe it to you,” he said. “You need to give yourself grace. One pill every morning.” At the time, I thought the notion was ridiculous. How could a lack of giving myself grace be my problem? Surely, there’s more to what I was experiencing than that! How could it be that simple? I was never taught to love myself. That just sounded narcissistic. Why would I want to be a narcissist? I sought several other therapists after that. Eventually, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. A couple years later, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD. Personally, the CPTSD probably fits my symptoms better than any other diagnosis.

BEWARE OF ADDICTIVE PRESCRIPTION DRUGS

Medically speaking, what finally brought the panic attacks to a halt was Clonazepam, but I don’t recommend anyone use this drug on a regular basis. It worked great, but I should have stopped using it as soon as the panic attacks stopped. Think of it this way: why take Excedrin if you don’t have a migraine? Or NyQuil when you don’t have a cold? Medications are great when they are used responsibly, if they are taken as needed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t forewarned about the dangers of taking Clonazepam on a daily basis. The stuff is highly addictive. While it did bring the panic and anxiety symptoms to a halt, and I am thankful for that, I deeply regret that I had not been forewarned by my doctors of the dangers of continuous use. If I had, I would have been more cautious.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes medication is necessary. I was so grateful when a doctor finally recommended Clonazepam and Ambien to take at night. I finally slept straight through for the first time in months, after taking them together that first night. After five nights of good sleep, I got off the Ambien right away (I already knew that stuff could be addictive) but I stuck with the Clonazepam. To be honest, I was scared. I was scared of that spiral of anxiety coming back again. I thought the drug would prevent that from happening. But the downside of addiction ended up being far worse.

During those two years I was on Clonazepam, I was oblivious. However, I was wise enough to know that drugs alone were not the cure to my problems. There was something deeply psychological going on and I needed to get to the bottom of it.

SELF-COMPASSION

I went to three or four therapists / psychiatrists, but I kept going back to one in particular. The same one who had prescribed “grace” as my cure. He is not a psychiatrist. He is not a psychologist. He’s a Christian therapist. And I eventually came to the realization that he had far better insight into my problems than I had originally gave him credit for. Probably the greatest lesson I learned from him was self-compassion.

My parents were never very emotionally sensitive. They were never very sensitive to our emotional needs. Their needs always came first. Even worse, they’d yell, scream, falsely accuse, or give the silent treatment, without ever stating why they were upset with us, which would lead us all into a state of confusion and hurt. As a result, I never thought my own feelings mattered. It seemed my parents always got the last word and say on everything, and this was true even when I became an adult. Their happiness was more important than mine. As an adult, I learned to accept it. I knew my place, and I knew not to trust them even when they were nice; I knew it wasn’t out of the goodness of their heart. Maybe it was guilt. Or maybe they are buttering me up because they want something from me. But it never felt unconditional.

I adapted by ignoring or suppressing my feelings. It wasn’t worth expressing them anyway. What was the point? But after 40 years of suppressing my emotions, everything started bubbling up all at once. All the hurt, fear, betrayal, anger, abandonment, frustration, and despair pushed upward, demanding an audience, demanding to be heard.

UNLOAD BAGGAGE OF SHAME

One of the first things I had to do was to let go of any shame I felt for having these emotions. For one thing, I wasn’t terribly proud of all the anger I had bottled up over the years. I wasn’t proud of it, and I had let shame push all that down. I had to let go of my embarrassment and shame and just confess to God just how desperate my state had become. I got on my hands and knees and asked God for emotional healing. And I started to open up to others, too. I asked for prayers from my Christian friends.

LET GO OF CONTROL

The next thing I had to do was to let go of control. I couldn’t control this thing. I had to accept that maybe God was allowing me to go through all this for a reason. I held on to the hope that God would heal my brokenness. I couldn’t do it myself.

GIVE EMOTIONS PERMISSION TO EXIST

Then, I had to learn how to give my emotions permission to exist. That may sound silly, but it really isn’t, not when your instinct had always been to suppress them. I had to also learn to give each emotion self-expression. I had to learn that it’s okay to cry, scream, sob, or wail loudly whenever I feel emotionally overwhelmed. These are all perfectly normal and natural ways for the human body to release pent up emotional tension. It costs nothing and there’s no side effects. I marvel at babies because they do it so naturally. Have you ever watched an infant scream when it’s upset? Its face contorts in frustration, it’s hands ball into fists, and it lets out short bursts of screams over and over again while tears run down it’s face. And I learned to do just that. To cry and wail like a baby. And it was a wonderful release!

NAME YOUR EMOTIONS

Another thing that may sound strange is that I had to learn how to identify my own emotions. When you’ve experienced your whole life without giving much regard to your own feelings, you tend to get “out of touch” with your own emotions. I would sense a gnawing feeling in my gut, a tightness in my shoulders, a restlessness in my sleep, but I would not be able to identify how I felt except to describe it as a generalized feeling of “anxiety” or “stress”. So, I started to ask myself this question, whenever I felt “stressed” and losing sleep: what am I feeling right now, right this minute? What word best describes my emotional state of mind? Is it anger? Hurt? Fear? Maybe it’s something I’m embarrassed to admit to myself. Do I feel envy? Jealousy? Guilt? It may sound bizarre, but I never asked myself those questions before! But once I started to do so, the easier the task became. And the more I became in touch with my own feelings and gave them a voice, the less scary those feelings became. I gave those feelings permission to simply… BE. In fact, it was often a relief just to identify what I was feeling!

Now, healing didn’t come right away! There were times I cried for hours before I was able to stop. I had so much hurt inside, it’s impossible to describe. There were some days I felt as if I was drowning. As the waves crashed, I’d write down my thoughts via journal writing. Writing down my feelings gave them a voice.

In this way, I endured many sleepless nights. I gave myself permission to grieve over the lost relationships I had with my parents, to grieve over the pain of abandonment. But the more I let my emotions come to the surface, and let the feelings pour out in tears of sorrow, the less intense the waves of emotions became. And the less scary they were when they came back.

THE PAIN IS JUST A MEMORY

One thing that made life very difficult during this time was that I kept feeling as if I was reliving the past, over and over again, and that was disorienting. It took the joy out of life. It took the joy out of being in the moment and enjoying myself with friends or going out and doing something fun. When the waves of emotional trauma threatened to return during moments like these, I had to remind myself that these waves are memories only. I’d acknowledge the hurt and pain by reminding myself that yes, it was a terrible time in my life, and it did hurt badly, but it’s okay now. I’m okay now. I’m safe.

Having compassion on myself to acknowledge and sympathize with the hurt that was done to me, while gently reminding myself that it’s in the past now, that this is just a bad memory, a memory of something terrible, yes, but a memory nonetheless, has helped me heal from the past, and leave it there.

DO NOT FRET OVER TRIGGERS

Which brings me to the issue of triggers. Triggers happen when the present and the past collide. It’s when an event in the present stirs up unresolved emotional turmoil from the past. They say it’s important to know your triggers. I say, that’s hogwash. A lot of times, you don’t even know what sent your emotions spinning, and when they do start to spin downward towards that bottomless pit, you don’t care what got you there – you’re just trying to find your way out! Don’t worry about what got you all spun up. In my case, it’s usually something really stupid or dumb. Something I had no control over. Something I took waaay too personally. That sort of thing. Don’t fret over the triggers. Just know what to do when those triggers are pushed. Just know what to do when you sense you’re starting to fall down that spiral again. If you spend your whole life avoiding triggers, you’ll never learn to enjoy life. You’ll never learn that those triggers aren’t dangerous. They are not a threat to you. The problem is that you have real hurt, real pain inside. And you had every reason to feel threatened. But that was in the past. It’s all a memory now. And you haven’t given yourself permission to grieve.

GRIEVE OVER PAST PAIN

Grieving takes time. And it cycles in stages. There will be days you wonder if you are truly getting better. But let me tell you, just a few months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to write about my anxiety as I am doing now. It would have felt way too difficult, too personal. It has taken years for me to get this far in the healing process.

SELF-COMPASSION DURING ADDICTION RECOVERY

One further note on Clonazepam… When it was first prescribed, I took 1 mg. After about a year, I did some research on the drug. It was then I became concerned. I asked my doctor to drop the dosage. So, it was reduced to 0.5 mg. After another year, I decided to get off it altogether. But everything I read about the drug said it is very, very difficult to get completely off of. Doctors unfortunately are no help in this area. After doing some online research, it was suggested to reduce dosage by one-eighth every week until you are off the drug. If you start to feel withdrawals, up the dosage again by one-eighth for another week before reducing again.

Well, it should have taken about a couple months, but instead, it took me six to eight months to get off of it. My doctor was convinced I wasn’t addicted, but the terrifying withdrawal symptoms I experienced proved that theory wrong. The hurricane of terrifying emotions returned. It was a terrible storm at every turn. And, sadly, I retreated back to old habits, trying desperately to suppress it all. I put on a smile even while a storm of sadness, pain, fear, anger, shame, and sorrow blazed and thundered inside me. It was awful! But that wasn’t the worst of it. After getting off the Clonazepam, it is tempting to rejoice. It is tempting to pat yourself on the back and say, gosh, that was awful, but it’s done, it’s over now! I did it! The drug has no effect on me anymore!

Not. The drug rewires the brain, and it can take up to a year or more for that rewiring to be undone. I caution anyone attempting to get off of Clonazepam or any similar drug – watch out! Take a very long sabbatical. At least a year. Remove all news, social media, or anything else that may stimulate anxiety. And I mean that! Your brain will not be able to handle much of any form of anxiety once you are off the drug because the drug wires your brain to be dependent on it to cushion any stressors. Remove the drug, and your brain is helpless to handle anything at all. At this point, it will be highly tempting to get back on the drug, even several months later, but whatever dosage you were once on, simply won’t do the trick anymore. In order to have the same effect as before, you will have to take at least twice as much, and that will only rewire your brain even further!

I wish I had known all of this! A few months after getting completely off the drug, I had the worst panic attack ever, that nearly spun me over a cliff. I became suicidal – something that had never happened to me in my life! I was hospitalized for nine days. It had been extremely tempting to get back on the drug, but fortunately my psychiatrist was very mindful of the ill consequences that would bring. He put me on something else to take the edge off, but that’s all it did. I felt like I was reliving 2019 all over again.

SELF-COMPASSION DURING RELAPSE / RECOVERY

As it happened, it wasn’t really that bad. But I felt I really did have to relearn everything I had been doing in therapy. I had to relearn self-compassion. I had to relearn these new habits; not on a drugged up brain, but on a sober brain, a recovering brain. I had to learn how to show grace to a brain that was now recovering from addiction. It wasn’t easy.

SELF-CONDEMNATION IS A TERRIBLE THING

FORGIVE YOURSELF

One of the most surprising things that happened in 2019 while I was at my worst, before I ever saw a doctor or therapist, while lying helplessly on the couch wondering when the storm of anxiety would end, was a vision or dream I experienced of Jesus’ nail-pierced hands, and words gently spoken to me: “Forgive yourself,” said the voice. I honestly didn’t know at the time what the vision or dream meant. But it didn’t seem to be something I would have foolishly imagined. Also, my therapist later agreed whole-heartedly that I was being way too hard on myself. I wasn’t giving myself grace. I wasn’t giving my emotions permission to just be what they are. I was constantly beating myself up over stupid stuff, sometimes even to the point of self-sabotage. I began to believe that perhaps Jesus was offering this statement not as a suggestion, but as a command, and not for just the moment, or for things that happened in the past, but as a way of life. Forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Forgive yourself because Christ has already forgiven you. Forgive yourself because all your sins and failures have already been nailed to the Cross. Live in freedom. Live in joy. Don’t use any reason or excuse to heap unnecessary shame on your back.

BE EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE BEFORE GOD IN PRAYER

As I went through counseling, I prayed like I never had prayed before, being gut-wrenchingly vulnerable before God, as in the book of Psalms. I learned that God is close to the brokenhearted, that he listens when we pour out our hearts to him, that he counts our tears of sorrow. The tears we shed at night, he remembers, and will bring healing and joy in the morning. During moments in which I felt so overwhelmed I didn’t know how to pray, I’d ask Jesus to intercede on my behalf. “You know what I need,” I’d pray. “You know better than I do what I need. Pray and intercede with the Father for me, on my behalf.”

MAKE A MENTAL HEALTH CHECKLIST

On a practical level, I wrote my own “mental health checklist”. I realized I had never made my mental and emotional well-being much of a priority. So, the mental health checklist is used as tool for myself to check if I’ve slipped back into bad habits, like obsessing too much over the past, or being too negative or hard on myself, or repeating the same lies to myself. I read it daily to remind myself of these bad habits to avoid, and how to change direction if I’m slipping. I have to do this as a means of “reprogramming” my mind to learn new habits and thought patterns. Forty years of poor programming is a lot to overcome! I have had to learn to be patient with myself. Impatience will only make matters worse.

BEFORE BEDTIME ROUTINE

Another tool I’ve used is a night time routine to relax the mind. For a year or more I’d turn on some classical music and color until I felt sleepy. If I felt particularly anxious, I’d read the Bible or devotional and pray, pouring my heart out to God, and laying my anxieties at his feet. Basically, I’d do whatever I needed to do to “let go” and feel less anxious before heading off to bed. This helped me greatly, as the worst of my anxiety always seemed to occur at night.

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

Last year was the first time I felt like a normal human being again. We even went on an international trip, a vacation to Ireland and Scotland. What a trip!

At the moment, I don’t take any medications, except on an as needed basis. I read my mental health checklist daily, and see my therapist every other week or so.

It has been a long road, but God finally brought me out of the pit, and out into the light again! Praise God! I am finally able to enjoy being in the present. I no longer feel as if I’m stuck in the past. I no longer feel the sense of dread that I once did when the feelings of trauma get triggered. It is there, but it no longer wallops me, or threaten to sink me under. God has been good. He has never left my side. It has taken a long time, but God has been faithful. He is slowly healing my mind and spirit, and has taken me out of the pit, so I can enjoy life again!

May God shine his light on you today!

I hope my story may in some way benefit someone out there. Perhaps some of you might relate to my story.

What is your story in your battle against anxiety?

Sin and Grace

How do you react to sin? How do you respond when someone in your family, your office, your work, sins against you? How do you respond when you are betrayed, gossiped about, insulted, slandered, or persecuted? Do you feel hurt, angry, or resentful? What if the person who wronged you was someone you loved and cared about? If you feel hurt when someone wrongs you, how do you think God feels?


In the beginning, God created Adam. God told Adam if he ate of the tree of Knowledge he would surely die. When Adam ate of the forbidden tree, it surely must have broke God’s heart. He loved Adam. He had created him. He had cared for him like a father. He gave Adam everything he could possibly need or desire. He gave him a paradise to live in, a place of ease and tranquility. A paradise on earth. But Adam wasn’t happy. He wanted more. He thought God was holding something back. It didn’t occur to him that God may have been hiding something from him for a reason. For his own benefit, God didn’t want Adam to discover evil. Surely, God felt the sting of betrayal. He had been like a father to Adam and Adam broke his promise to never eat of the forbidden tree. God could have easily sought revenge, but he didn’t. In fact, it was within his right to snuff out the life of Adam right then and there. He did warn Adam that if ate of the tree, he would surely die. But God’s heart welled with compassion. Adam and Eve had yet to bear any children. If God took away their lives, human history would have ended before it had a chance to begin. In his mercy, he did not slay Adam right then and there, even though God had every right to do so. Instead, God sent Adam away to a place where life would no longer be easy for him. From that moment on, Adam would have to grow his crops in a place full of weeds. He’d have to learn to survive through hard work and suffering. God’s actions were an expression of mercy. God could have killed off the human race right then and there, but he chose not to. Instead, he allowed Adam to live a long life. In fact, Adam lived to see nine generations of his offspring. Wow! What a blessing! How many people do you know have lived 900 years old?


Is it then any wonder that life was so highly prized by those of faith in the Old Testament?


Life was deemed precious by the faithful. Every breath of life was not only a blessing, but an act of mercy from God. Surely, as sinners, we all deserve death, just as Adam did. Surely, God has every right to slay us all. But he doesn’t. Why? He mercifully gives us life so that we may acknowledge him, the giver of life. Whether life is hard or easy, we have breath in our lungs. And that’s a gift.


Luke 13 begins with a group of people who tell Jesus about some Galileans who were brutally killed by the Romans. Apparently, these individuals thought the Galileans got what was coming to them – God allowed them to die a brutal death because of their sin. But Jesus puts them in their place. “Do you think they died because their sin was greater than yours?” He asks them. “No, that’s not why they perished.” Apparently, these people considered themselves holier than thou. They thought of some people more deserving of death and punishment than themselves. They wagged their fingers, claiming those Galileans got what they deserved. But Jesus turned the tables on them. He tells them that the sins of “those people” are no worse than their own. Ouch! And if they don’t repent, the same fate will happen to them. What was Jesus saying? He was saying that because of their sin, they all deserve the same fate as the Galileans they were so busily wagging their fingers against. But God decided not to slay them, as he did the Galileans, even though that’s what they deserved. He chose instead to allow them to live. And this was an act of grace. An act of mercy. God was under no obligation to save anyone, but he chose to allow some to live anyway. And if those of whom he restores, saves, and protects, do not recognize God’s act of mercy and repent of their sins, God will allow the same harsh judgment to fall upon them. The fate of the Galileans was meant as a warning to those still living. They were to repent and acknowledge God for his mercy, for preserving their lives.


There are two things that God requires of us: thankfulness for his goodness towards us, and to always trustingly call upon his Name in times of trouble. To call upon his Name means to recall to mind God’s character. And what do we know of his character? We know his character is one who is eager to show mercy. And when he shows mercy by answering our prayer, what should we do? We should thank him for his mercy!


How does this tie into sin?


I have often heard it said that God is a covenant making God, who is always faithful even we are not. But this frankly isn’t true, for two reasons. For one thing, covenants were made between pagan peoples. It was a pagan practice to perform covenant between two peoples. For another, covenants require swearing oaths, and Jesus commanded his followers not to swear oaths, but to simply let your yes be yes and your no be no. Thirdly, God has no need for oaths. Everything God says is true; therefore, if he says something is going to happen, it will. If everything he says is true, then all his promises are true. There’s no reason why he’d have any need to swear an oath. So why did he make covenant with his people? It is likely God condescended to make vows with men according to man’s customs at the time, so that people who lived in that time and culture might understand the seriousness of God’s intentions. God condescends to speak to us in the manner and language that is most meaningful. That is what he did in the Old Testament. But he had no need to “make covenant”. His promises were true regardless of whether or not he had sworn an oath. The other issue I have is that once a covenant has been broken, the other party is under no obligation to fulfill their end of the bargain. That is, God might have been faithful to his promises to the Israelites in spite of their unfaithfulness to their Mosaic covenantal vows, but God was under no obligation to do so. He was faithful, not because of covenantal vows which are based on conditional promises which had been broken time and time again by the nation of Israel, but because of God’s purity of character. God repeatedly told the Israelites that it was on the account of his Name that he’d forgive the Israelites their sins and fulfill his promises to them. His Name refers to his character and reputation. In describing his relationship with the nation of Israel, God described himself as a husband married to an unfaithful wife. And Jesus claimed that the only valid reason for a man to divorce his wife is unfaithfulness. Thus, God had every right to “divorce” Israel and attach himself to some other people group. It was out of his consistent character of all surpassing grace, mercy, and love, that God chose to fulfill his promises to Israel even when they sinned against him, not because of covenantal obligations which had been nullified the moment Israel broke their vows.

A year ago, I participated in a Bible study of the Old Testament. Specifically, we studied the Hebrew people during the time when their kingdom was divided into Israel and Judah. The nation of Israel had one wicked king after the other. The nation of Judah had a sprinkling of kings who were faithful to God, but they were not much better. During these turbulent years, God sent prophet after prophet to warn the Hebrew people that they needed to turn back to God. And over and over again, they were rejected. Jeremiah was one of the last of these prophets. For forty years he warned the people that God would punish them by allowing their enemies to conquer their nations, massacre their people, and send the survivors into exile. But no one believed him. No one believed him because it went against God’s covenantal promise to always place a descendent of Judah as ruler over the people. Jeremiah would have been reminded by the people that God had specified that this was an eternal promise. Therefore, God would always protect the nation of Judah. Always. Forever. He would never allow Judah to fall. It was inconceivable for them to think otherwise. God had always kept his promises. Why would he suddenly stop? But God did abandon them, and both Israel and Judah fell to their enemies.


When our class ended, we discussed why God abandoned them. And it was agreed that they were abandoned because of their sin. But this conclusion defies logic. Clearly, both nations sinned greatly against the Lord long before they were destroyed. God gave them many chances to turn away from their wickedness, but they refused. And it gets worse. God accuses them of committing greater sins than that of the pagan nations around them! If it was sin, God should have struck them down long before things got out of hand. But he didn’t. Why? Because love covers a multitude of sins. In God’s loving nature, God forgave them, over and over again. God loved his people. But his people did not recognize him. They did not give him honor or thanksgiving. They never grieved over their sins, and they took God’s merciful nature completely for granted. God was willing to give his people chance after chance after chance to confess their sins and turn away from their wickedness. But like stubborn children, they continued doing whatever they were doing before, without a care in the world that there might be consequences. At one point in the book of Jeremiah, God acts like a frustrated father, at the end of his rope. He lists their numerous sins and his growing wrath. But then he does something unexpected. He tells them (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Ok, guys. You all have turned against me. You could care less about the laws and precepts I gave you. You insist on going your own way. Fine. Whatever. I am at my wits end and have given up hope of you embracing my laws anymore. So, I’ll make you a deal. If you do this one thing for me – just this one thing – I promise to relent on my anger. I won’t punish you for your wickedness. I will forgive you and cancel the debt.” It’s like a parent telling an unruly child, “Ok, I give up! Day after day I’ve been after you over something. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Any time I ask you to do something, you do just the opposite. I am done with having any high expectations from you anymore! So, I’ll make a deal with you. If you do this one thing for me, just this one thing, I’ll be happy. That’s how low my expectations are right now. Clean your room and all will be forgiven!” Israel’s sins were great. Surely, they deserved punishment. It was out of grace that they weren’t. God chose to abandon Israel after they refused to do that one thing (in this case, God asked them to release their Hebrew slaves). God had asked them to obey a single command – and they couldn’t even do that right. God hadn’t abandoned the people; the people had abandoned him. And it was only then that God turned away from his own people and let them fall under the hands of their enemies.


So, what do we learn from this? We learn that God will not reject us because of sin. But he will reject us if we take God completely for granted. If we assume he does not care if we do as we please. If we assume he must not care about our actions if no just punishment falls upon us (yet).


Does that mean God is a legalist? That he expects perfection? No. God simply wants us to be contrite about our sins. To view sin and wickedness for what it is. It is evil. And it is abhorrent to God. To embrace the wisdom to love that which is good and to reject that which is evil. If we love God, then we love the things that God loves. If we love God, all evil becomes repugnant. When we find ourselves doing the evil we do not want to do, we are reminded of Saint Paul’s remarks in Romans 7. We no longer love the part of ourselves that does evil, but we are reminded that our sins have been crucified with Christ on the cross. When our hearts agree that God’s law is good, that our own deeds have conflicted with God’s law, and believe that Christ endured the punishment that should have been ours, the full wrath of God, God will not only have mercy with regards to our sins, but grant us a new resurrected life with him. And if our hearts are in agreement with all of that, then gratitude will naturally bubble up inside of us. We are no longer afraid when we sin. We see God as a god of mercy and goodness, and not a merciless taskmaster. We see our lives as glorious gifts from God and not a curse or a torment. Sin may persist, but as long as we still have breath and life, we live under God’s redeeming grace. Thus, Saint Paul was right when he said, when sin increases, God’s grace increases all the more!


The question is, are you thankful? Are you grateful? Are you grateful for your life and all the good things God has given you? Are you grateful for God’s great gift, the gift of his Son? Are you thankful for the sacrifice He made on your behalf? Will you give him your thankfulness, devotion, and praise? Will you trust in his mercy in your time of need? Will you praise him with your heart when he delivers you? Or will you go on your way, doing whatever you were doing before, giving him neither your acknowledgement nor praise, nor one shred of your obedience?